Sarcastic Captions

Sarcastic Captions, One-liners and Sarcasm Quotes for random selfies, funny pics, weird photos, etc. Instagram Captions for pictures with your best friend whom you can insult all you want without caring about the obvious revenge from them using even sillier photos.

These sarcastic captions are bound to induce a laughter and get you more likes and comments on your pics. Go ahead, read all of them, one-by-one… and atleast have a good laugh.

• She wanted a puppy. But I didn’t want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy.

• Sometimes the first step to forgiveness, is realizing the other person was born an idiot.

• For maximum attention, nothing beats a good mistake.

• Do it tomorrow. You have made enough mistakes for today.

• It must be difficult to post inspirational Tweets when your blood type is B Negative.

• Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.

• Think I’m Sarcastic? Watch Me Pretend To Care!

• If you are here – who is running hell?

• If I ever need a heart transplant, I’d want my ex’s. It’s never been used.

• Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.

• The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have to mow it.

• Outvoted 1-1 by my wife again.

• A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.

• I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t.

• Take my advice — I’m not using it.

• I’m really good at stuff until people watch me do that stuff.

• My job is secure. No one else wants it.

• I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.

• Top 3 situations that require witnesses: 1) Crimes 2) Accidents 3) Marriages Need I say more?

• Why is the day that you do laundry, cook, clean, iron and so on, called a day off?

• My superpower is making people laugh. Which would be great if I was trying to be funny.

• A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.

• Whatever you do always give 100 %. Unless you are donating blood.

• If I’d shot you sooner, I’d be out of jail by now.

• When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.

• I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

• People say money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you had enough money, you can have a key made.

• Why is there so much blood in my alcohol system?

• Never break someone’s heart because they have only one inside…break their bones because they have 206 of them.

• If at first you don’t succeed, we have a lot in common.

• Best friends: Ready to die for each other, but will fight to the death over the last slice of pizza.

• My internet is so slow, it’s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them shit in person.

• The best things in life are free *plus shipping and handling*

• Congratulations, If you press the elevator button three times it goes into hurry mode – really…

• People who write “u” instead of “you”. What do you do with all the time you save?

• I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

• Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?

• I always tell new hires, don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you.

• I have as much authority as the Pope, i just don’t have as many people who believe it.

• My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. He was right—I feel ten years older already.

• People used to laugh at me when I would say “I want to be a comedian”, well nobody’s laughing now.

• Oh… I didn’t tell you… Then It must be none of your business…

• My wife sent her photograph to the Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back saying they weren’t that lonely.

• If you don’t drink, smoke or do drugs you may live long enough to be a real burden to loved ones.

• Boy : I have a pen you have a phone number. Think of the possibilities. Girl : I have a sandal you have a face. Think of Casualties.

• Social life? You mean my phone?

• Even people who are good for nothing can bring smile on your face, when pushed down the stairs…

• Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.

• Me: Siri, why am I alone? Siri: *opens front facing camera*

• This isn’t working out. I think we should start making other people miserable.

• If at first you don’t succeed, blame someone else and seek counseling.

• I just want to live in a world where people come with on/off switches.

• The difference between true love and dinosaurs: We’re sure that dinosaurs once existed on this earth.

• Sorry I didn’t text you back, but my phone recognized your number.

• I like the sound of you not talking.

• You take away the looks, money, intelligence, charm and success and, really, there’s no real difference between me and George Clooney.

• I love my life, but it just wants to be friends…

• When people don’t make sense, listen to music. It always does.

• Hi there, I’m a human being! What are you?

• Where were you I have been waiting for half an hour. Said No Girl Ever.

If these captions didn’t help you, please read our list of hilarious Attitude Captions for Instagram. I am sure you will find a suitable caption there.

Please submit your own sarcastic captions, one-liners and sarcastic quotes in the comments section below… like you give a f**k and always listen to my requests.

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